here i am agian the same dark place i was when i first fell and hit the ground i had somone as my decoy and that just hit the fan :(
i cant understand whether each day im getting stronger or if i want him even more and more. I hate that people make me jelous ,,,i hate admiting i am i hate that i cant spell i hate that ****** excists i hate how stupid i am i hate **** i hate guys i hate love i hate crying i hate feeling i need him more and more everyday but i refuse to give in refuse because he doesnt care and that kills me the happy momments were i was a fool stabs me im sad im mad im pissed evan. Im not hopless if only i were that lucky.Im drowning in quick fixes thats ruining my brian...I crying yesterday when i was high...it was strange ...it was different....i dont know why i did it well one year ago yesterday ..since first kiss and that hurt more than anything has in my life.......... its pain its wicked its tourture its life. i dont think i will ever love agian ..the only thing i will ever surrender to is the blade and starvation.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Monday, May 5, 2008
start time 10:11pm end time 10:21
do you know the feeling of
the back of your eyes the nerves that are
only set off when your about to break down the nerves that
push harder and harder against your skull when you think they
might burst because your trying not to cry so hard?
well i do.
just wanting to crash ,hide in a deep whole go back even farther until your soul
doesn't remember light.
Im further back then i started from.
Im dreading the months, days,years ahead i know this feeling the period of time
that means nothing until you love again every time its like new breath ,its waking up a baby with
memories and scares of your last life,lessons of your last life. I don't know if that day will come
again , i know it has before but i just dont know the 1 year mark of our souls first meeting is in 6 days . I wounder if he even knows i wounder hes even thought about it at all. The only thing geting me though thease days are hopes for the future not about love but about peace and what life is about beyond a other person that completes you
the back of your eyes the nerves that are
only set off when your about to break down the nerves that
push harder and harder against your skull when you think they
might burst because your trying not to cry so hard?
well i do.
just wanting to crash ,hide in a deep whole go back even farther until your soul
doesn't remember light.
Im further back then i started from.
Im dreading the months, days,years ahead i know this feeling the period of time
that means nothing until you love again every time its like new breath ,its waking up a baby with
memories and scares of your last life,lessons of your last life. I don't know if that day will come
again , i know it has before but i just dont know the 1 year mark of our souls first meeting is in 6 days . I wounder if he even knows i wounder hes even thought about it at all. The only thing geting me though thease days are hopes for the future not about love but about peace and what life is about beyond a other person that completes you
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